


Down Came the Rain

by opalmatrix



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Guilt, M/M, Masochism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-06
Updated: 2010-03-06
Packaged: 2017-10-07 18:21:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/opalmatrix/pseuds/opalmatrix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An injured Sanzo and an exhausted Hakkai are left alone together in an abandoned shrine on a rainy afternoon.  It doesn't end well for either of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Down Came the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> Written for vom marlowe's Anonymous Saiyuki Kink Meme. The prompt: _Hakkai × Sanzo -- angst and sex in the rain... and angst_. This was the first explicit thing I ever wrote. (Written November 2007)

The afternoon had turned soft and cloudy by the time they found the abandoned shrine, and the bright early morning would have been only a memory if it hadn't featured an attack by an unusually determined band of youkai assassins. All four of them were battered to some extent, but Sanzo had taken a fairly serious wound on his left thigh. Hakkai had stopped the bleeding, but he wanted to do some serious healing. The dismal little building looked as though its roof was intact, even though the pavement in the yard was cracked and overgrown by weed trees and creepers. Hakkai pulled up close to the structure, and they gently unloaded their priest. He was white-faced and tight-lipped, sweating in the close, humid air as they laid him out on a pallet on the wide verandah that ran the width of the front of the building. Goku insisted on sitting with him while Hakkai and Gojyo checked the interior.

"It looks dry, at least," said Hakkai, at last. "If we prop the front door open, there should be enough light and air in this front room." Gojyo nodded, wordless in the face of his friend's worry, and went to poke around the back. He returned a moment later with a battered twig broom.

"There's a well, with a lid on it," he reported. Hakkai went to look as Gojyo swept out the front room, carefully avoided the ravaged altar. Soon they had a fire burning in a battered brazier he'd found, with water heating, and Sanzo was moved indoors to submit to Hakkai's healing powers.

An hour or so later, Hakkai was exhausted but satisfied. Sanzo could stand cautiously, and walk well enough on his own to use the privy that Goku had discovered behind the shrine. But neither of them was going to be fit to travel any more that day. Hakkai started checking through the supplies. They were short on food. He looked up to find Gojyo watching him, a cigarette dangling from one corner of his mouth and a knowing expression in his deep red eyes.

"Yeah, don't tell me - let me guess. Me and Goku are takin' a little stroll to that next town, 'cause we're outta groceries."

"It's only about three miles," replied Hakkai, relieved and pleased that he didn't have to nag, for once. "You should be able to get there and back before full dark. I don't like sending you two there on your own, but I don't see what else we can do."

"Hey, no problem. You're wiped out." Gojyo reached out to squeeze Hakkai's shoulder briefly. "Just chill. Watchin' His Holy Highness should be more than enough to keep you outta trouble."

Sanzo, walking slowly back from the loo, was feeling well enough to glower at this last remark. Gojyo chuckled, collected Goku (who was almost asleep on the floor by Sanzo's pallet), and left.

Hakkai forced himself to bustle around for another few minutes, setting out the rest of the bedding and the cooking gear, and making sure the brazier was going well. Then he collapsed onto his own pallet and sighed. Jeep, who had been snuggling onto the bedding, rubbed his head against his master and crooned softly, clearly thinking that it was time for both of them to take a nap. But Hakkai didn't think that he should sleep in this empty building with its unlockable door, with Sanzo too injured to fight. He dug out a book and lay down on his belly to read.

It didn't go well. Across the room, Sanzo couldn't seem to settle down. He lay on first one side and then the other, and on his back, but couldn't seem to rest at all. He sat up on the blankets, but couldn't find a comfortable position that way either. Finally, he pulled out his cigarettes and lit one, then got cautiously to his feet. Hakkai watched, worried, as the priest walked stiffly to the verandah. The oppressive moisture in the air was resolving into rain, fat drops that smacked the leaves of the ragged trees in the shrine's overgrown front yard and started to drum on the roof. Hakkai hunched his shoulders and buried his face in his arms for a few moments. Rain should help the stuffiness of the room, at least, but he hated the way it was making him feel. He abandoned the book and went to join Sanzo on the verandah.

The priest was leaning against one of the more solid bits of the railing. He glanced at Hakkai and blew out a stream of smoke. His lovely face was shadowed and sharp with discomfort, but it had regained its habitual expression of scorn.

"Those idiots are gonna get wet," he commented. Hakkai nodded, but he was surprised to find that Sanzo's cavalier tone was actually annoying him. _He's still in pain,_ he lectured himself, sternly.

"I could massage your leg," he offered. "The chi healing knit the muscle fibers so quickly that they're probably stiffening rather badly."

Sanzo flicked the cigarette butt out onto the puddled pavement with controlled violence and hunched his shoulders. "I've been handled enough already today, thank you very much. Save it for your pitiful boyfriend."

Hakkai stared at him, startled into complete silence by this piece of rudeness. Sanzo was always sharp-tongued, but this was beyond anything he'd expected, especially given that he was usually polite to Hakkai, if no one else. At last, he regained use of his tongue.

"That man is walking through this rainstorm at this very moment with only one companion to help protect him from any possible attack, to get us enough food for a decent meal, after fighting all morning and cleaning this building this afternoon. If he's _pitiful_ in any way, he got that way in _your_ service today."

Sanzo made a rude and dismissive gesture. "It's not like he inspires me to respect. He's got a vulgar mouth and doesn't know when to shut it."

Hakkai groped for the remains of his temper. "Did it ever occur to you that you provoke a lot of that, Sanzo? You _could_ maintain a more priestley demeanor. Shave your head, keep the robes on ... there's a reason for it, you know."

Sanzo looked at him coldly, and then down at himself. He'd stripped off his robe and was barefoot, in tight faded jeans, his sleeveless high-necked singlet, and his fingerless arm-warmers. He leaned on the railing, deliberately ran a hand through his tousled golden hair, crossed his arms, and stared back at Hakkai. The dim, rainy light slid over his bare shoulders and emphasized his cheekbones. He looked anything but holy. Hakkai was horrified to feel a rush of desire. "Damn robes get too warm to wear over my shoulders all the time. And more than half of the _real_ holy men I've known kept their hair." He felt in his pocket, brought out another cigarette and his lighter, and lit up again. "This place is too much like the Temple," he muttered, as he pocketed the lighter and looked out at the broken paving, the grey downpour. When he spoke again, he sounded more reflective, less defiant.

"Did it ever occur to **you** that I've never had much choice in any of this? I was a foundling in the Temple before I could walk, and invested with the Sutra - a Sanzo priest, confirmed by Heaven - at the age of 12. I'm so much a monk, I don't feel much of a need to prove it."

Sanzo had never, in Hakkai's memory, spoken a single word of how he really _felt_ about anything. Hakkai was completely off-balance from these unexpected confessions. "Then why do you let Gojyo irritate you so much, and refuse to do anything about it? You smoke, you drink, you eat meat, you kill ... ."

The priest snorted smoke from his nose, like a dragon, then made a face and rubbed his nostrils. "People just shake their heads about all that. but they're **not** going to put up with a priest who sleeps around. You can only push so far. That's the limit. And before you ask - no, a single lover isn't an option, either. In my book it's worse - it means I'd be beholden to a single mortal being. There's no way I can do what I need to do that way." He gave a Hakkai a long, hard look, all his arrogance back in place. "So just think about that next time you're writhing on your mattress, with that pervert's dick up your ass."

He pushed off from the railing and walked slowly down the stairs to the courtyard, in the rain. Hakkai closed his eyes and breathed deeply. It was all that he could do to prevent himself from grabbing the priest and back-handing him across his lovely sneering mouth. When he opened his eyes again, Sanzo was gone. _He can't have gone very far, barefoot and with a sore leg._

_Damn this rain. Damn this priest ... ._

There was a chittering sound from above. Jeep, who had been perched in the rafters of the porch, craned his long next to peer at Hakkai, and then flew off. The little dragon didn't like rain any better than the rest of them did, so there had to be a reason for it. Hakkai followed him.

The priest was under a huge old cedar tree, perhaps a hundred yards from the shrine, but it might as well have been miles away: the clustering trees and vines hid one from the other completely. He had one arm raised and bent, resting on the rough bark of the tree's trunk, and was leaning his head against it, his back to the world. The tree's branches were keeping off most of the rain, but Sanzo's clothes were thoroughly wet from the short walk. Hakkai came up behind him warily. "Sanzo, you shouldn't be walking around with that leg, and you're soaked ... ."

Sanzo turned his head slowly to look at the healer over his shoulder. The wet silk singlet clung to him so completely that Hakkai could have counted his vertebrae through it. His hair was dark with rainwater, but his violet eyes seemed to smoulder. "Huh. You want to help me, do you? Make me feel better ... ?"

"Of course," said Hakkai, and then wished he hadn't. Jeep, reacting to the change in mood, peered down at his master and abruptly flew back to the shrine.

The priest stepped sideways and back into Hakkai, pressing against him. He seemed to radiate heat. Hakkai froze, unable to believe that this was happening.

_Holy ... ._

Sanzo laughed - it was not a healthy sound - and reached with one hand back to hook his fingers in Hakkai's trouser pocket, pulling him closer. Hakkai hesitantly reached up to take him by the shoulders. "Sanzo, do you really mean to .... ?"

"You were implying that I should do something about how I feel, weren't you?" said the priest, softly, reasonably. " And you already have a lover - you won't expect me to stick by you that way. And **you** know when to keep your mouth shut."

All of that was true, and yet the whole thing was so wrong that Hakkai felt absolutely nauseated for a moment. But this was _Sanzo_. How many times had Gojyo pointed out how ridiculously desirable their untouchable leader was? And the element of sacrilege only made the whole idea more darkly sweet. _And it's not like Gojyo has never strayed._

The rain roared faintly in his ears. "As you wish," he said, at last, and wrapped one arm around Sanzo's chest to pull the man against him more firmly. With the other hand, he reached down to Sanzo's crotch and ran his fingers up the line of the zipper. Sanzo was hard already. Hakkai felt an answer swell in his own groin. He buried his face in the wet, blond hair and nuzzled down the back of Sanzo's neck, licking and sucking, and started to turn the priest to face him. Sanzo shook his head, nearly hitting Hakkai in the nose.

"No. None of that stuff. I've watched you two ... if you get started with that, I'll lose myself."

_He's been watching, has he?_   Hakkai shook his head and blew an exasperated breath on the back of the priest's neck. "How do you expect to do this _without_ losing yourself, Sanzo?"

Sanzo stood unyielding in his arms, apparently unmoved - except where Hakkai's fingers were molding and teasing him. "You figure it out. We're going to do this my way."

_He doesn't want to look me in the face - that's what it is._ Hakkai shrugged and continued stroking Sanzo through the tight, wet denim, pressing his own still-clad erection against the other man's firm ass. As he expected, the priest began to relax and fit his body more tightly against Hakkai's. With his free hand, Hakkai traced a line up the center of Sanzo's belly to his chest, then let his fingers roam over the soaked black silk to trace circles around Sanzo's nipples. Sanzo caught his breath and squirmed against Hakkai.

"N-no ... ."

The word was faint. Hakkai leaned his head over Sanzo's shoulder, his ear as close as he could get to the priest's mouth. "Shall I stop?" he asked, politely, continuing what he was doing.

"N-no ... ."

Hakkai smiled and pressed his mouth to Sanzo's neck, but didn't open his lips. Sanzo stirred and started to fumble at his jeans button. Hakkai moved to help him and had his hand slapped for his pains. Sanzo finally managed to get it open and pulled down the zipper. Hakkai's fingers were there in an instant. As he knew, Sanzo didn't wear briefs. When Hakkai's fingertips brushed the hot, tight skin of Sanzo's erection, the priest moaned faintly and thrust against the other man's hand.

"Patience," said Hakkai, calmly, and moved to peel down the wet denim. Sanzo struggled against that too. Hakkai was beginning to get the picture. "Stop that," he said, sharply, and cuffed Sanzo's head lightly with the back of his hand. "Damn you!" answered Sanzo, waspishly - but he let Hakkai continue, bracing his own hands against the tree trunk. Hakkai felt a pang of guilt at how easy Sanzo was proving to be to manipulate - but the satisfaction of mastery over this arrogant, attractive man was pulling more strongly.

Sanzo's ass was every bit as white and as firm as Hakkai's memories of momentary glances in the baths had told him, but he'd never imagined having the chance to do anything about it. Now he reached around to grasp Sanzo's warm, smooth cock in one hand and stroked and massaged the priest's butt-cheeks with other. Sanzo squirmed and swore, but kept his hands where they were. Hakkai's long fingers moved to caress the deep cleft between - and then stopped, stuck by a snag in their impromptu plans.

"Get on with it!" snapped Sanzo, his jeans around his knees.

"We have no lubricant," replied Hakkai, still calm. "I'm not going to try to penetrate you."

"_Do it!_" snarled Sanzo. Hakkai looked up and felt queasy when he saw the mixture of longing, anger, fear, and desperation in the other's face. _He needs it to hurt,_ he thought. He rose quickly and grabbed Sanzo brutally by one bare shoulder, digging his fingers in hard enough to bruise, then smacked him on the side of the head. It was a blow carefully calculated to smart as much as possible without causing serious damage. "Listen to me!" he said, putting his face close to the priest's. "I have no lube, and you won't let me use tenderness. If I harm you - and _I will_ if I fuck you without any - I'll have to heal you. And I don't feel like it. So we're doing _this_ part **my** way."

Sanzo's violet eyes bored into Hakkai's green ones for what seemed like an eternity. Errant raindrops spattered their faces. Finally Sanzo dropped his gaze an instant, relaxed just a bit, and gave Hakkai a sneering smile. "Heh. I don't see that you're going to have much fun, then."

"That's _my_ problem, isn't it?" replied Hakkai, serenely. "Please turn around. Put your hands on the tree trunk."

Sanzo did as ordered, but slowly, insolently. It didn't take much pretense on Hakkai's part to smack him on the ass good and hard, making him swear again. Hakkai gazed at resulting handprint with both satisfaction and guilt as he lowered his own trousers. He positioned himself behind Sanzo and reached around to grasp the priest's length once again. Still hard. He'd guessed right. However, the tough-guy act hadn't done all that much for _him_, and so he touched and stroked himself as well Sanzo for a moment. This was all proving a lot harder than he would have imagined. He had a sudden wish for Gojyo's hand on him, where his own was.

_Oh._ **That** did it for him, really well. And wouldn't Gojyo enjoy helping him with this? Sanzo's cock in Gojyo's talented mouth, maybe, and his hand on Hakkai's cock? Sanzo chose that moment to groan, reinforcing Hakkai's fantasy. Hakkai smiled and arranged his length along Sanzo's crack, so that he could rub himself pleasantly. He braced his free hand on Sanzo's bare, bony hip, and started to move.

"What the hell ... ?!" Sanzo wriggled uncomfortably, uneasy about the pressure between his ass-cheeks and at the base of his spine, but Hakkai was working him in earnest now, and he was quickly distracted. Soon the priest was no longer just standing passively: he ground himself against Hakkai's hand in front of him, tried to shift his ass to get a better angle on Hakkai's dick behind. Hakkai grinned wolfishly and once more pressed his mouth to Sanzo's neck, licking and mouthing it. Sanzo tossed his head once, peevishly, but his attention was elsewhere, and Hakkai was able to do as he pleased, kissing, sucking, biting gently.

He was quickly moving toward climax, and it occurred to him that Sanzo should have arrived some time ago. Now that he was thinking about it, he could feel that Sanzo was still resisting the pleasure that he was feeling. He leaned close to Sanzo's ear.

"Don't try to escape it," he said, as coldly as he could; "Stop holding out on me!"

"N-no ... m-my way," gasped the priest.

_Damn_, thought Hakkai. He was starting to lose control of the situation. The rain hissed around them. He released Sanzo's hip and reached around, under the black silk, to drag his nails up Sanzo's belly, hard, and then grabbed a nipple between his nails and pinched viciously.

Sanzo bucked and thrashed beneath him, half gasping and and half sobbing, dug his own nails into the tree bark, and came violently, spurting white onto the tree trunk and dripping onto Hakkai's hand. Hakkai felt a rush of triumph and lust that pitched him over the edge as well, fountaining onto Sanzo's ass and scarred lower back. He managed to continue stroking Sanzo as the priest's spasms faded, while he himself pressed his own product into Sanzo's white skin.

When Sanzo was still, except for his gasping breaths, Hakkai dropped to his knees and swung the priest around to inspect the damage he'd done with his nails. He peeled up the silk to reveal three large, oozing scratches and one fainter mark, and the nipple he'd pinched was red and swollen. Sanzo let him look, but swatted at Hakkai's head when the healer moved to kiss the scratches.

"Get off me, you fool! That's enough!"

Hakkai rose unsteadily, kicking off his shoes and shucking his trousers. Everything was soaking wet anyway. Sanzo looked half-drunk, swaying on his feet, holding onto the dishonored tree with one hand. Hakkai knelt to pull off Sanzo's jeans, and Sanzo kicked at him and nearly fell.

"Stop it, Sanzo, You'll have to change anyway."

Sanzo scowled and let him finish. Hakkai managed to find his handkerchief in his discarded trousers and held it out in the rain for a moment, then did a rudimentary job of cleaning them both up. By the time he'd finished, Sanzo was white and shaking. Hakkai had to help him back to the shrine. After Sanzo was sponged off with warm water from the pot they'd left on the brazier, and dry again, he collapsed to sit on his pallet.

"I guess you'd better give me that massage," he said, dully. Hakkai, who was toweling his own hair dry, looked over at him. The priests face was haggard, and he didn't meet the healer's eyes. He picked up the last battered cigarette that he'd rescued from his jeans, stared at it, and put it down again. Hakkai looked away and grabbed his clothes. _But it was his idea ... no ... he was the patient - I, the doctor. It was up to me to see the potential for harm._ He hastily finished dressing, but as he was settling his monocle back in place, he became aware that something had changed. He looked out the door.

"Sanzo, look - the rain's stopping."

Sanzo raised his head. They both watched as the last drops fell and the light outside gradually increased. A ray of late-afternoon sun lit the floor and reached out to touch the stripped and battered altar. The priest sighed softly, and something seemed to flow away from him, leaving his face years younger. He stretched his shoulders and rubbed his eyes, as though he had just awakened. Hakkai brought over his fresh singlet and arm-warmers and helped him into them. This time Sanzo permitted the healer's assistance without comment, and then lay down and stretched out for the massage. Hakkai worked over him with complete clinical detachment, wishing he could undo everything he had done this easily. When he finished, Sanzo was nearly asleep. Hakkai resting one hand gently on his belly, meaning to heal the scratches, but Sanzo opened his eyes again.

"No - leave them." He grabbed Hakkai's wrist and squeezed it for a moment, then let go and looked across to his bag. "Better get me some pants. Those idiots should be back any minute."

In fact, it was another half an hour before they heard footsteps outside. Sanzo was dozing. Hakkai had washed out the last evidence of their afternoon activities and had everything hung to dry. The sky had started to flame scarlet and gold with a magnificent sunset, and when Hakkai went to the door to meet their companions, Gojyo's hair was so brilliantly, incandescently red that his lover could only stare at him in awe. The kappa looked up and grinned.

"Hey, look, we're not dead!"

"Hakkai!" Goku shoved Gojyo aside to display what he was holding: a large squashy package that turned out to contain several dozen meat buns, and a lidded wooden bucket full of vegetable hotpot, lukewarm after the walk from town but still smelling savory. "Look, ya don't hafta cook!"

Despite the long, wet walk, the shopping crew was noticeably livelier than the two who had remained behind. In short order, they had lanterns lit, tea made, and everyone served supper. They'd even managed to bring back some beer. Jeep reappeared and begged for tidbits. Sanzo roused for long enough to eat a bowl of vegetables and a single pork bun, but didn't drink more than half his beer before lying down again. Goku was nodding off over his 12th bun shortly thereafter, and had to be bullied into bed by Gojyo. The kappa returned to his seat by Hakkai and smiled warmly before he picked up his second beer and chugged what was left.

"Think they're both out for the count," he said softly, when he'd finished, and ran his hand down Hakkai's back to rest on his hip. He squeezed gently. "How're you doing, Hakkai? Wanna spend a little time ... ?"

Hakkai's stomach went cold. He felt not one bit of answering lust, and the realization made him want to throw back his head and howl like a dog. He drew in a long, long breath.

"Gojyo ... I'm just completely wrung out. He was in a lot more pain than I'd realized. I don't think ... I'd do either of us any good."

And the worst part was - Gojyo just took it. He was a little disappointed, but that was all. He shrugged and brought his hand back up to Hakkai's shoulders to give him a brotherly squeeze.

"I should've guessed - I don't think I've ever heard him this quiet. Didn't yell at us once when we were cutting up, getting supper. Listen, you turn in - I'll clean this up."

He lay there as Gojyo busily washed and dried dishes and put the rest of the food away, feeling empty. He remembered Sanzo's white face earlier, and wondered whether the priest had been feeling the same way. The only thing that kept Hakkai from complete despair was that as Gojyo stripped and got into an old pair of boxers, he felt a momentary flaring of interest as the lamplight flickered over the kappa's lean body. _I guess this will pass. It's true that I'm very tired ... ._

But really, it did seem the hardest thing he'd ever done, when his lover slipped into the pallet beside him, and reached over to embrace him gently with his long, strong arms, to seem relaxed enough that Gojyo would feel nothing amiss. And long after the man he loved had drifted off to sleep, Hakkai lay watching the other man, across the room: the man that he'd healed, and harmed, that rainy afternoon.

 


End file.
